His own mother shivered when she heard his plan to attack the summit of Mt. Everest without even packing a jacket. Only bringing some light snacks in a neon-pink fanny pack, he put on his headphones, turned on some “sweet tunes” and hoofed it off to Nepal to begin acclimating to the altitude. After getting bored with just sitting around at base camp, he snuck out in the middle of the night without his guide. After a couple days, surviving on “frozen berries and snow,” he reached the peak. Triumphant, he quickly descended to announce his victory. Everest officials would not award him the traditional plaque because it is required to have eyewitnesses of this accomplishment. Ram only replied “Whatever. This is lame. I’m out.”
The Lunar New Year ARRIVED.
But therE WAS a problem.
There WAS confusion as to which animal
THE year belongED to.
WAS IT GOAT? SHEEP? RAM?
EACH ONE HAD PROS AND CONS.
WE PUT IT TO YOU, THE PEOPLE.
AND TOGETHER WE DETERMINED OUR FATE.
VIEW THE RESULTS
Meet the Candidates
Chew the future.
What is fortune? What is luck? Is it all around you? Where can you find it? As a Goat, I search high and low for luck, and good fortune follows me everywhere. Oh look, some garbage! Did you know that Goats discovered coffee? It’s true. Wake up, and vote Goat this New Year.
This New Year, let’s take a stand. Let’s go for what we know is right. We all deserve great fortune. And luck is just the icing on the cake. I’ve been up in the mountains, planning, and I’m back to tell you that 2015 could be a fantastic year. But only if you make the right choice. Vote like you give a Ram.
2015 is a whole new year. A year to stick together. A year to spread warmth across the world. Let’s not fight about it. Let’s all make the right choice this year. After all, what’s good for the flock is good for everyone, right? Don’t be an outsider. Join us. Give a flock, and vote sheep this New Year.
BY Eagle McFly Jan 14 2015 AT 16:52 CST
BY Linda Ewesworth Jan 14 2015 AT 16:49 CST
Have you noticed something different about the flock lately? I mean, besides everybody’s got plenty of wool for the winter. Can’t wait for shearing time! I always think a thick coat makes my face look too oval. You know? But seriously, the flock is different now because of one driving force that’s changing everything for the better. Yes, I’m talking about our very own Sheep. She has been going hoof to hoof with Goat and Ram, fighting for our rights and making sure we get our fair share. Too long have those darn goats gotten away with everything. And don’t get me started about those rams. Ugh. Although, there is one ram that I think is kinda cute. Dear Diary! Anyways, vote Sheep! Bye! LYLAS!